Champagne Isn’t the Only Thing Mercutio Spills!
Revealing interview with the best friend of Romeo Montague.
The popular, witty, lady killer Mercutio shares an exclusive interview with us. Tune in for this, because we really get the scoop on this loyal friend’s love life, view on the Capulet-Montague rivalry, and attendance of the recent Capulet party. Even if he can’t bring a smile to your face in person this charismatic character is sure to brighten up your Monday.
Thanks for interviewing, Mercutio. You okay to get started?
To kick off, we’re all dying to know, is it true that you and your friends gatecrashed that Capulet party?
Ooooh, I think you know the answer to that one. There are pictures of us at the party out there and I’m sure you as an interviewer for your cosmo mag have seen them. You just want to hear me say it. Yes, we went. We danced, drank a little, had fun, and then made our way back home. Nothing more scandalous than smudged lipstick and a showing bra strap.
Really? Because people say that Tybalt saw Romeo (the son of Montague and a sworn enemy of the Capulet family) partying with you and [Tybalt] was eager for a fight.
I went with my friends, of course he [Romeo] was there! That prince of cats can get over himself and the useless feud between the two families! Romeo is a good boy. Sure, he’s a bit of a wimp (he hates to fight and would rather write a sonnet for his love), but he didn’t go to spite the Capulet family.
The Prince of Cats: surely that can’t be a good name. What does it mean and Why do you take the side of team Montague?
I don’t take a side at all besides that of the ones I care for when they have been injured *Mercutio hand-guns*. Jokes aside I think the whole thing is ridiculous and hateful tradition of carried down with each malleable generation. Too many have been hurt from it and only more injuries are to come.
As for the nickname, there isn’t really any story behind it; I just found it very fitting. Tybalt is rather cat-like with his impatient, graceful saunter and judgmental eyes with malice just below the surface. He’s somebody who plays with his prey and is no doubt an excellent fighter; eager to show it at any given opportunity.
I can’t help but backtrack to you mentioning a love of Romeo’s just a second ago. I assume you meant Juliet, the daughter of Lord and Lady Capulet? There’s been a lot of talk about it lately.
No! I mean Rosaline. Also a Capulet by blood, but not the daughter of his own sworn enemy! My friend is a soppy fellow, but not a fool! Assume makes an ass out of you and me, my friend and talk is nothing more than that and the likes of Queen Maub.
Well, on a lighter note… We’ve covered your friend’s love life, but not yours in your own interview so let’s take a look. Do you have a partner? Do you want one?
No, I don’t have a woman in my life and I don’t want one either. I like to think of the women I date like burgers. They’re amazing! They taste good, they look good, and everybody loves a good burger, but if you have one kind for too long or have burgers every day of your life it’s gonna get boring. I like mine in n’ out like that one joint.
Why? Don’t you want to love a woman?
Seems like a lot of work and, looking at Romeo, it seems draining.
But do you believe in love?
Personally, not really. I’ve only ever experienced a fleeting (despite its strength) mostly physical attraction, but if it [love] is real, as some have told me, it’s just so rare in these times of arranged marriages it hardly exists. Think of love like pink dolphins. Sure, they’re very real animals, but they are so rare they’re almost the stuff of legend.
Well, seems like we’re out of time. Thank you so much, Mercutio! I really enjoyed it!